a countdown to old age

7.
13.
16.

what are these figures?generally,the age in a person's life where birthdays matter.
I dont remember having a memorable birthday.ever.of the 17 years of my life so far,I've never yet had a spectacular birthday that I would remember fondly and cherish.
Nothing spectacular,no surprises,no showy gifts.I really think all of this is alright- this isnt what makes your birthday.
firstly,whats the importance of a birthday?well,it is important.because for a change,people centre happiness around you for 24 hours.just you.for regular people,it's a rarity.it doesnt happen on 364 days and 6 hours.its just one day when your made to feel special and wanted and loved and cared for.
gifts...really.too many people give gifts undue importance.gifts should be meant as a form of gratitude,a symbol of affection.instead,they've become objects of compulsion that must be given and MUST be taken with a smile on the face.A gift should be thoughtful.
my idea of a perfect birthday is just to be with people I like and love.and who like and love me back.
My entire family,friends close and dear and some good food.I've never had this birthday.
this year too,I wont.Because my family is incomplete.and that breaks my heart.because this year,it matters to me and somewhere I have a puritan belief that a year that starts well,goes well.
so much so for happiness and joy and best wishes.

It would make more sense if the life cycle was all backwards...
Die first and get death out of the way.Then,you live in an age-old home with pension.You get your PF and start working.You work for 40 years,until your young enough to enjoy retirement.You booze,party and get ready for college.Then,you become a kid - play,have no worries.You become a little baby,go back into the womb,spend your last 9 months floating,and finish off as a chromosome.
Life is beautiful :)


This was a forward I recieved on my cell one day.I just like how it puts life into perspective.

Out of orbit

In this galaxy of complexity and simplicity

She went out of orbit

The rocks of her foundation didn't stop her

And she took another path

She met other stars on the way

Joined them on many a night

Shared secrets and stories

Of a life she could now only call her previous one

She wanted to climb the stairway to heaven

Rise,rise and shine different in the dark skies

Venus stood by her at every point

Luck decided to fortune her

Past the hurdles and walls she climbed

Remembering those she had left behind 

Her heart chilled by their indifference

And the sense of dissimilarity they felt

One evening she sat by the rainy window

And thought of the people she had once claimed to know

The people who said they cared,loved and cherished her as much as she did them

Where were they now?

She stood now among the clouds

Finally her journey complete

People from the previous life encountered her

Reminding her how much things had changed

But how roots of the soul's essence don't

They had no idea how lost she felt inside with them

She was surrounded by those who truly loved her and

Had travelled with her on her revolution

Meeting the people of her far-away life

She thought of how distance can change everything

You can be surrounded by all the pleasures and niceties

You can reach the absolute zenith of your wishes

Its somehow incomplete though 

When you don't have those you started out with.

*Dedicated to all friends - old and new.

when high hopes are laid to rest

they said you were the bright boy
that the hope in your eyes would lead the blind
that in mute trust the world would follow
and you will touch the towers of uncertainty

they said the earth was not deep enough
the skies not high
fires would never engulf
which walls of iron and defiance could stop you?

there was something about you the crowd knew
purple and silver and blue were not the only colours of your mystique
because you said you could
breaking the walls of eternity seemed possible

time fell like rain
and washed away who you were
you glance in your inner mirror
and the reflection is unfamiliar

and you drown in an ocean too big for you
one you should never have known
and I see your soul going up in that grey,grey sliver of smoke
till you disappear into the unknown

what burnt out that light inside of you?
what made you fall to never rise again?
what made you think the last rope you tied would never be undone?
what made you think your story would never be told?
you used to be the bright boy.

* for all those who lost their shine.for those who matter to me - may you never lose your shine.

Ink on my feet

I wake up on a careless morning,like every other.

And as I rummage for a breath of life,

I drop a bottle of hope.

It crashes with the resound of an aching head.

So I walk out of my home

With ink on my feet

And a picture of you in my hand

No aim to reach,

The goals of a gypsy

I go by houses I know like the blind

The laughter of friends still hanging in the air

The smell of rain just out of reach

The sun still in its woken state

I spend a moment under that tree,

A cheap cigarette and a bottle to go

With the melody we made

On a second-hand guitar and a torn page

And so I keep walking

With ink on my feet

And a photo of you in my hand

Still no aim to grasp,

Searching like a gypsy.

There used to be nights that made up for the years lost,

And messages in secret,

Smiles that made way in crowded places,

A small warm hug to cheer the blues that wouldn't go.

I still write with the pencil that hasn't broken it's point

And the endless paper gives me comfort

Like the lone ship in the waters

To a survivor at sea long lost and forgotten

But I'm still walking

With ink on my feet

And your picture in my hand

I forget the aim I never had,

Wander like a gypsy

So I search for the boy who promised me,

With the hope that I will find a message in a bottle

For I have words to say I wish I had given you

The time before you went away.

I miss the idea of you

And the songs we made

The sweep of your hair

And the smell and touch of you.

I have ink on my feet

And a photo of you

It was short while it lasted

And what I feel,is gone with you.

I'm waiting,still searching.

*Because -unbelievably - it's the 21st century.I could peep into government buildings,find out about spy satellites.I can get classified information with the common technology in my hand.But I still can't manage to find you.

On complete irresponsibilty

Today,I shall feel free to do what I have seldom done before - remove my anger through the written word.
Through the years,the importance of time has been a virtue that I've striven hard to inculcate - through the example of other important figures in my life and through what I have observed.
It's not merely about time management or punctuality.Keeping time in consideration while doing something reflects a lot on who you are and your social behaviour.
Keeping someone waiting is simply not acceptable,especially so when you have no plausible cause or reason for it.Everyone has mobile phones these days and firing away a text message or making a short call takes barely ten seconds if your an efficient and regular user of your handy mobiles.Pity is,if you cannot do that much to inform a person who is waiting for you,it reflects rather poorly on who you are.
When any situation calls for team efforts,a single person taking collective responsibility is immature and stupid on the part of other team members.It reflects lack on interest and seriousness.Don't get me wrong here.I'm not against leadership.A leader guides,but should in no way do the work of others under his wing.
  Today,I was pissed off.Genuinely irritated to the point of breakdown.I stood in the rain for my team members to arrive.They conveniently forgot,had lectures and could not complete work assigned to them and did not even have the courtesy to reply to my messages and calls asking about their whereabouts.Stranded in a pathetic situation.This is not a post of self-pity.Its anger.Because noone gives a damn,and right now my life is pretty much centred around it.If there was ever a time I felt like lifting my heavy bag full of books and a water bottle and hitting it on acquaintances and friends,it was today.

whats been

So what's been going on lately?

Photography - It's mostly been on a standstill because I've been a bit busy and the screen seems to be a bit screwed - which I need to get checked *mental note*
Studies  - Haha,very funny.Next thing please.
Debating Matters 2010  - We made it through the first round!whoopay!cheers to us :)
We next go for the regional finals to Mumbai.Got our topics/motions today.They've already decided our stance on it.They provide us with topic guides - which basically outline the scope of the deabte.In the regional finals,to be held on 27th September,there will be three rounds.If we manage to pass all,and win the regional finals,we go to Chennai for national finals.And if we qualify THAT,we go to London,baby :D *fingers crossed and hopes raised*
Social life - friends have found a new bakra(scapegoat) to tease me with.hope the phase passes soon because Im still in two minds about whether I like him,or don't.Was Amrita's birthday today,so yay!Happy Birthday to a special friend.Had fun at her birthday celebration today.
MUN - Problem,problems.One big headache.Research is extensive and hell redefined.But its fun.And its a bloody brilliant opportunity,so I'm not really complaining.Team members are highly uncooperative and are eating a lot of bhaav,which is mightily pissing off,because THEY were the ones to arrive late on the scene.
Reading - The Godfather by Mario Puzo.I get what the hype and love about it is.
Health - Have been eating out.*I am sinning.help!*Haven't been eating the 6 meals that I should be eating,and not been eating at the right time.Forgetting to eat my medicines at the right time.Not been going for my as-such-almost-regular walks.(though hey,I cycled for a half hour yesterday,so that's good!).Must be back on the good track,and MUST stop sinning.
Will soon read - Sigmund Freud's 'The Interpretation of Dreams'.
and....that's all I can think of right now.And I must sleep.
Sigh.The misery of it all.
Ciao!

thought for the day types.

Things aren't perfect.They really are not.And I have a couple of jack-ass friends completely screwed in the head.And my studies are following the backward-bending curve from economics.We are stuck with a load-full-of-shit country.We are going to frigging Bom-the-bay completely unplanned.I feel too full of caffeine to attempt sleep.But beat this - I'm loving every minute of it.Even the jack-ass friends screwed in the head.I'm happy.Probably because things aren't perfect.