Today,today I watch you as sleep takes over
There's a content smile on your face,though I see the depth of your sadness.
Your lying next to me and your warmth reaches the crux of my soul.
I have fought my battles,
Tried to emerge victorious.
You stood by me,
Held my hand when I walked into the unknown,
Been the shoulder that kept me company in those dark nights I wanted to scream through.
Today,today I lie looking at you
Thinking of the times we shared...
Those dreams of living together...forever.
Never growing old,
Building castles of bliss.
I create a parallel universe in my mind,
I wish I could turn it to reality.
I see the future and you standing there with me.
Today.today I wish I could ask the higher strengths
Time,that slips out of my hand like water in the rain
I struggle for a breath , a faith to keep me strong,
A belief that could turn things right.
I reach out,touch your hand,
Feel the life that surges through me.
Today,today there is hope.
Not for tomorrow,but for today.
Today,I'm not afraid
I know I can let go:
There's only so much I can hold onto.
Today,I know
I face the uncertainty.
And when the white light comes today,
Today,I shall surrender.
Forever.
*Dedicated to all the family members and loved ones of people who have been unfortunate to be struck by a terminal disease.Dedicated to their strength to bear,carry,encourage and survive through the worst.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
04-06-2010
It's been 1 year,5 months and 21 days.
And I still miss you just as much.
To all those who say time heals wounds - it doesn't.It's a wonderful phrase to say when you have no other words of comfort.But really,it doesn't.Time just distances you from an event and a person.It tries and fades memories and all that you cling to.But it heals no wounds.It just deludes you and fools you into believing otherwise.
I was playing with Odie today.Splashing water,fooling around.Laughing like a kid.I felt so carefree.And when I laughed,it came from within.Not like the hollow laugh that does light my eyes,but not from within.And then there was this really big pain inside when I remembered our last Holi together.It was just like that...throwing water on each other...I didn't cry.Of course I couldnt.Mom was there.I was laughing.And the next moment I was feeling guilty.
I miss you.This life,I feel guilty about it.I can't stop thinking why or how.I can't stop wishing that if it had to be someone,then why not me?I have done nothing to deserve this life.But you were such a precious person.Such a wonderful son,intelligent student,all rounder.A friend everyone envied.A brother I couldnt have asked more from.A terrible singer and those horrible tunes you played.Everyone needs you.No matter how much we try to hide it from others and from our own selves,we need you.
It's completely removed my faith from "God".All those things people say about "God is testing you when he puts you through tough times"...I don't need that.I never wanted a God.Never wanted his help or him to doubt my faith in him.Why test us for that?
I read this book called "Pure Evil" today,written by a mother whose 25 year old son was hacked to death by his girlfriend.She described the pain and agony the family went through during the trials.She said she couldn't describe it and noone would understand it till they themselves had gone through it.A year back,neither would I.When she wrote about her daughter's speech in the memorial service held for her son,I cried.
I just wanted to let you know how much I loved you and appreciated your presence in my life.Regret,remorse is killing me.
And I miss you.
And I still miss you just as much.
To all those who say time heals wounds - it doesn't.It's a wonderful phrase to say when you have no other words of comfort.But really,it doesn't.Time just distances you from an event and a person.It tries and fades memories and all that you cling to.But it heals no wounds.It just deludes you and fools you into believing otherwise.
I was playing with Odie today.Splashing water,fooling around.Laughing like a kid.I felt so carefree.And when I laughed,it came from within.Not like the hollow laugh that does light my eyes,but not from within.And then there was this really big pain inside when I remembered our last Holi together.It was just like that...throwing water on each other...I didn't cry.Of course I couldnt.Mom was there.I was laughing.And the next moment I was feeling guilty.
I miss you.This life,I feel guilty about it.I can't stop thinking why or how.I can't stop wishing that if it had to be someone,then why not me?I have done nothing to deserve this life.But you were such a precious person.Such a wonderful son,intelligent student,all rounder.A friend everyone envied.A brother I couldnt have asked more from.A terrible singer and those horrible tunes you played.Everyone needs you.No matter how much we try to hide it from others and from our own selves,we need you.
It's completely removed my faith from "God".All those things people say about "God is testing you when he puts you through tough times"...I don't need that.I never wanted a God.Never wanted his help or him to doubt my faith in him.Why test us for that?
I read this book called "Pure Evil" today,written by a mother whose 25 year old son was hacked to death by his girlfriend.She described the pain and agony the family went through during the trials.She said she couldn't describe it and noone would understand it till they themselves had gone through it.A year back,neither would I.When she wrote about her daughter's speech in the memorial service held for her son,I cried.
I just wanted to let you know how much I loved you and appreciated your presence in my life.Regret,remorse is killing me.
And I miss you.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
the first monsoon's quick post
It's the first day of June,2010,1522 hours.
It was hot in the morning,so much so that I had second thoughts while getting dressed to go for the morning walk.I was greeted by a superbly fantastic sight when I opened my today morning...3 lovely books of German on my desk :) whooopay.Really,it's time I start concentrating on my German which is deteriorating in the two months of summer holidays quite like the drops of water on a hot tin roof.
It's an idyllic summer day.It started raining about a half hour back.It looks lovely now.This is my favourite time of the year...the sweltering heat.The relief of the rains.The lovely breeze.The crackling clouds weak with thunder.And that perfectly heaven smell of wet earth.The hunger to eat something warm - samosas,soups,coffee and the ever favourite : Maggi.Digging up old classics to listen to and sing alongwith.And the bestest part of it all : the skies.They are so heartachingly beautiful...lovely hues,all clear after the rains...I wish I could capture every monsoon evening on a camera roll.
Till later :)
cheers
It was hot in the morning,so much so that I had second thoughts while getting dressed to go for the morning walk.I was greeted by a superbly fantastic sight when I opened my today morning...3 lovely books of German on my desk :) whooopay.Really,it's time I start concentrating on my German which is deteriorating in the two months of summer holidays quite like the drops of water on a hot tin roof.
It's an idyllic summer day.It started raining about a half hour back.It looks lovely now.This is my favourite time of the year...the sweltering heat.The relief of the rains.The lovely breeze.The crackling clouds weak with thunder.And that perfectly heaven smell of wet earth.The hunger to eat something warm - samosas,soups,coffee and the ever favourite : Maggi.Digging up old classics to listen to and sing alongwith.And the bestest part of it all : the skies.They are so heartachingly beautiful...lovely hues,all clear after the rains...I wish I could capture every monsoon evening on a camera roll.
Till later :)
cheers
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