To dada

Hey bum.
How are you?
Today's Raksha Bandhan.Its killing me.I miss my usual annual income that I incurred at this juncture of the year.
Who am I kidding?I miss you.And I miss that Mom would scream early in the morning for us to do the whole ceremony,but we all ended up being so busy and wound up in our own lives that we'd do it only in the evening.And how Dad would pay you so you could gift it to me minutes before we did the whole aarti thing,and all that jing bang.And how every year lately,one or two of your friends turned up to become my brothers.It hurts,because this year,like last year, I have nothing to do.So I sit around pretending to be okay,cleaning the house,listening to music and then the Ipod starts playing Tum Ho Toh.And that's always a been special song I associate with you because you sang it so badly.And I cried.I cried because I miss you and I miss having a brother who would irritate the hell out of me,who would hit me just to see how pink my skin could go.And I miss having to make sandwiches for someone or making anda bhurji with cheese because nobody else I know likes it half as much.
  Mom doesnt say anything.God knows how.She tried in her own way though.She asked if I wanted to buy rakhis this year,send it to the cousins.I couldnt.Its too much of an emotional burden.She didnt even send any rakhis to her brother.She made sheera today in the morning despite the fact that she's been down with the flu since 5 days.It didnt strike me until much later why she must have done that....And in the morning,all she told me was that she felt sorry I had to eat the same breakfast everyday so she thought of making something different.Bloody stupid Hindu festivals and their significance and importance and what-not.That's why being an Atheist is way way simpler - less emotional dependence and more detachment from everything you love.
  I came on facebook,and it did nothing to make me feel better.All my friends had status updates dedicated to their brothers or photos from today.A girl from college who's a friend's friend asked me how much I got today from my brother.I signed off immediately.What do I say,and to who all do I explain?
  So I sit here,type all this as a steady stream of tears falls on your precious laptop...I think of the times we sat late at night singing songs on the guitar...I sit by the window desperately hoping to hear the horn and sounds of a Ford Ikon at 7,which would be your usual time to return from office and after meeting friends.And today,like I otherwise would have,I wont put together the thaali with rice and something sweet and mom amd dad's rings.But I'm still going to pretend I tied you a Rakhi.I'm still going to hope that your there to watch over me.And I hope loads of girls that you fancied up there tied you a rakhi today.
I miss you,you moron.
Love you.