Ink on my feet

I wake up on a careless morning,like every other.

And as I rummage for a breath of life,

I drop a bottle of hope.

It crashes with the resound of an aching head.

So I walk out of my home

With ink on my feet

And a picture of you in my hand

No aim to reach,

The goals of a gypsy

I go by houses I know like the blind

The laughter of friends still hanging in the air

The smell of rain just out of reach

The sun still in its woken state

I spend a moment under that tree,

A cheap cigarette and a bottle to go

With the melody we made

On a second-hand guitar and a torn page

And so I keep walking

With ink on my feet

And a photo of you in my hand

Still no aim to grasp,

Searching like a gypsy.

There used to be nights that made up for the years lost,

And messages in secret,

Smiles that made way in crowded places,

A small warm hug to cheer the blues that wouldn't go.

I still write with the pencil that hasn't broken it's point

And the endless paper gives me comfort

Like the lone ship in the waters

To a survivor at sea long lost and forgotten

But I'm still walking

With ink on my feet

And your picture in my hand

I forget the aim I never had,

Wander like a gypsy

So I search for the boy who promised me,

With the hope that I will find a message in a bottle

For I have words to say I wish I had given you

The time before you went away.

I miss the idea of you

And the songs we made

The sweep of your hair

And the smell and touch of you.

I have ink on my feet

And a photo of you

It was short while it lasted

And what I feel,is gone with you.

I'm waiting,still searching.

*Because -unbelievably - it's the 21st century.I could peep into government buildings,find out about spy satellites.I can get classified information with the common technology in my hand.But I still can't manage to find you.

On complete irresponsibilty

Today,I shall feel free to do what I have seldom done before - remove my anger through the written word.
Through the years,the importance of time has been a virtue that I've striven hard to inculcate - through the example of other important figures in my life and through what I have observed.
It's not merely about time management or punctuality.Keeping time in consideration while doing something reflects a lot on who you are and your social behaviour.
Keeping someone waiting is simply not acceptable,especially so when you have no plausible cause or reason for it.Everyone has mobile phones these days and firing away a text message or making a short call takes barely ten seconds if your an efficient and regular user of your handy mobiles.Pity is,if you cannot do that much to inform a person who is waiting for you,it reflects rather poorly on who you are.
When any situation calls for team efforts,a single person taking collective responsibility is immature and stupid on the part of other team members.It reflects lack on interest and seriousness.Don't get me wrong here.I'm not against leadership.A leader guides,but should in no way do the work of others under his wing.
  Today,I was pissed off.Genuinely irritated to the point of breakdown.I stood in the rain for my team members to arrive.They conveniently forgot,had lectures and could not complete work assigned to them and did not even have the courtesy to reply to my messages and calls asking about their whereabouts.Stranded in a pathetic situation.This is not a post of self-pity.Its anger.Because noone gives a damn,and right now my life is pretty much centred around it.If there was ever a time I felt like lifting my heavy bag full of books and a water bottle and hitting it on acquaintances and friends,it was today.

whats been

So what's been going on lately?

Photography - It's mostly been on a standstill because I've been a bit busy and the screen seems to be a bit screwed - which I need to get checked *mental note*
Studies  - Haha,very funny.Next thing please.
Debating Matters 2010  - We made it through the first round!whoopay!cheers to us :)
We next go for the regional finals to Mumbai.Got our topics/motions today.They've already decided our stance on it.They provide us with topic guides - which basically outline the scope of the deabte.In the regional finals,to be held on 27th September,there will be three rounds.If we manage to pass all,and win the regional finals,we go to Chennai for national finals.And if we qualify THAT,we go to London,baby :D *fingers crossed and hopes raised*
Social life - friends have found a new bakra(scapegoat) to tease me with.hope the phase passes soon because Im still in two minds about whether I like him,or don't.Was Amrita's birthday today,so yay!Happy Birthday to a special friend.Had fun at her birthday celebration today.
MUN - Problem,problems.One big headache.Research is extensive and hell redefined.But its fun.And its a bloody brilliant opportunity,so I'm not really complaining.Team members are highly uncooperative and are eating a lot of bhaav,which is mightily pissing off,because THEY were the ones to arrive late on the scene.
Reading - The Godfather by Mario Puzo.I get what the hype and love about it is.
Health - Have been eating out.*I am sinning.help!*Haven't been eating the 6 meals that I should be eating,and not been eating at the right time.Forgetting to eat my medicines at the right time.Not been going for my as-such-almost-regular walks.(though hey,I cycled for a half hour yesterday,so that's good!).Must be back on the good track,and MUST stop sinning.
Will soon read - Sigmund Freud's 'The Interpretation of Dreams'.
and....that's all I can think of right now.And I must sleep.
Sigh.The misery of it all.
Ciao!

thought for the day types.

Things aren't perfect.They really are not.And I have a couple of jack-ass friends completely screwed in the head.And my studies are following the backward-bending curve from economics.We are stuck with a load-full-of-shit country.We are going to frigging Bom-the-bay completely unplanned.I feel too full of caffeine to attempt sleep.But beat this - I'm loving every minute of it.Even the jack-ass friends screwed in the head.I'm happy.Probably because things aren't perfect.

To dada

Hey bum.
How are you?
Today's Raksha Bandhan.Its killing me.I miss my usual annual income that I incurred at this juncture of the year.
Who am I kidding?I miss you.And I miss that Mom would scream early in the morning for us to do the whole ceremony,but we all ended up being so busy and wound up in our own lives that we'd do it only in the evening.And how Dad would pay you so you could gift it to me minutes before we did the whole aarti thing,and all that jing bang.And how every year lately,one or two of your friends turned up to become my brothers.It hurts,because this year,like last year, I have nothing to do.So I sit around pretending to be okay,cleaning the house,listening to music and then the Ipod starts playing Tum Ho Toh.And that's always a been special song I associate with you because you sang it so badly.And I cried.I cried because I miss you and I miss having a brother who would irritate the hell out of me,who would hit me just to see how pink my skin could go.And I miss having to make sandwiches for someone or making anda bhurji with cheese because nobody else I know likes it half as much.
  Mom doesnt say anything.God knows how.She tried in her own way though.She asked if I wanted to buy rakhis this year,send it to the cousins.I couldnt.Its too much of an emotional burden.She didnt even send any rakhis to her brother.She made sheera today in the morning despite the fact that she's been down with the flu since 5 days.It didnt strike me until much later why she must have done that....And in the morning,all she told me was that she felt sorry I had to eat the same breakfast everyday so she thought of making something different.Bloody stupid Hindu festivals and their significance and importance and what-not.That's why being an Atheist is way way simpler - less emotional dependence and more detachment from everything you love.
  I came on facebook,and it did nothing to make me feel better.All my friends had status updates dedicated to their brothers or photos from today.A girl from college who's a friend's friend asked me how much I got today from my brother.I signed off immediately.What do I say,and to who all do I explain?
  So I sit here,type all this as a steady stream of tears falls on your precious laptop...I think of the times we sat late at night singing songs on the guitar...I sit by the window desperately hoping to hear the horn and sounds of a Ford Ikon at 7,which would be your usual time to return from office and after meeting friends.And today,like I otherwise would have,I wont put together the thaali with rice and something sweet and mom amd dad's rings.But I'm still going to pretend I tied you a Rakhi.I'm still going to hope that your there to watch over me.And I hope loads of girls that you fancied up there tied you a rakhi today.
I miss you,you moron.
Love you.

Not so good

Am I upset?Am  I angry?Am I just pissed?Yes.Things arent working out half as well as they were till yesterday and right uptil today afternoon.Now there are obstacles AGAIN.And I'm literally SICK of running behind people to no avail.It's almost taken my interest off it.
But the situation must improve.Things HAVE to fall into place.I don't want to let go of this opportunity...

Well all this besides...what's new?Mom wasnt well today,I got a downright fright.She's better now,thankfully.
Besides that...Got to go.
Tada!

So,are things looking up?
Yes sirree,they are.There's a new purpose to life.There are things to look forward to.There are interesting people in my life...new people,fun people,determined people.And that helps me get a little bit of focus too.And thats really really good.
Gee,Im in a pretty good mood today.And how much ever your friends suck,its fun having them take your case, because its true,and its nice.
Things on life are finally perking and chirping - whatever that means.Cheers to  the future :)