dear dada

its been 17 horrible days.i miss you so much.i still cant believe it that your not there...still feels like maybe you have just gone out for a holiday or something.i have never stayed apart from you for so long.never.its so painful...i pray that the nightmare that i have gone through in the past few days turns out to be just that,a nightmare.

there is no reasonable explanation as to why it had to be you.i try and try to search for that answer,but i dont get it.it could so easily have been someone else.but it was you.

there are so many things i want to say to you and do with you,but i feel miserably lonely now.theres no one i can call a pig or an ass now.no one i can call at 9 at night and say where the hell you are and why arent you at home for dinner.no one i can make sarcastic remarks to and be called a st.maryiete snob in return.no one i can say looks like a cross between elvis presley and john lennon.theres no one now who will show off with the guitar to me.

yesterday,i was looking at this cd.the first song in it was unchained melody.i missed you so much that time.all those times when we sat up till 12 and 2 at night,when i played on the guitar,and you sang that song.and then we would go through my old guitar book,and end up singing every song in it.and when mom would come screaming at us,id conveniently say that you were holding me back,and not letting me go to sleep,and all because of you,i wouldnt wake up for school the next day.

there are so many things that are just associated with you...that mean nothing without your memory.i was going through your drawers,and i came across the bookmark i had made,which had got nothing else matters lyrics on it.and you had stolen it from me,saying that it was just made for you...i would make a bookmark for every day of my life if it could get you back.if it could get back that smile on your face.if it could get back that time...

its horrible.so many people saying the same thing.i dont want to believe it.i cant.just that morning before you went,i remember seeing you come into my bedroom and switch off my alarm...i remember that moment and curse myself.if only i had woken up then.if only i had seen you properly,if only for the last time.if only i could have talked to you.

i cant trust myself to hold up this facade,this fake face.i try being strong for mom and dad,especially mom,who is completely broken and shattered.but i cant confide in anyone.i feel lonely.no one can understand what i have lost.they can only offer hollow words that do nothing but increase the emptiness and void in my life.they say i have double responsibility now.i have to be the son and daughter.that i have to rise and excel in everything i do.that i have to be the best so that your happy wherever you are.but i dont want this responsibility.i dont want to be the best.if it means being without you,i dont want any of it.i dont want anyones grace or sympathy.i dont want anyones support.i just want my stupid idiotic brother back,so that i can fight with him,make horrible maggi and black coffee for him.irritate him about some silly imaginary girlfriend.go for a late night show at inox,followed by a midnight burger fiesta at mcdonalds.to tell him his hair will always be flat and chappat.to curse him,to fight with him.to give him good night kissies and tell him things.

i miss you.and if theres one thing i can get across to you,its this - that ill always love you,no matter what.that ill try taking care of mom and dad as much as i can.that ill do everything you ever wanted of me.

ill never stop hoping that you can come back.

love you.

mayhem continues

bombay mayhem continues...even in its aftermath stage
a lot of questions are being asked,fingers are being pointed,and - as usual - no one's taking the blame.topics under discussion include what took the rescue operation so long to get underway?why was there a lax on their part in immediate response?why is security in such a big city like mumbai not adequate?how were the terrorists able to go unnoticed?how were they successful in getting so much ammo and arms in,in such big,reputed places like the oberoi and taj hotels - were'nt security checks carried out?how come no one got suspicious?
beyond these,"damage control" measures are being undertaken.but everyone agrees its just hog wash.what happened has already gone,but its pathetic that we are not prepared - yet - for what might come.
a lot of ministers and high-post holding officials are stepping down from their positions , resigning from office. even the chief minister has given in his resignation...whether its accepted or not,is still left to be seen.this,coming in a very weird time, considering that general election are to be held soon,in may of 2009,preparation for which are already underway.at this time,it reflects poorly on the senior members of political parties who have displayed their inadequacy.while the opposition continues to make hay while the sun shines.turning the whole incident into a political gambit that will give them an edge.its quite disgusting.it makes one wonder,if there are any limits to selfishness.in that light,i stand by what slain commando sandeep unnikrishnan's father has done to the kerala minister and the media.he refused to meet the minister,who had personally come to meet him at this house,with an army of media persons - undoubtedly for the good light that it would put him in - like he even actually cared for that brave young man who died fighting for the cause of his motherland.the minister waited outside his house for over one and a half hours,and he was turned out.i applaud the courage,grit,determination and pride of the unnikrishnan family.
meanwhile,seems like media is overdoing its duty.its publishing way too much details.like the enemy has been completely eradicated.like they are proving to the world,we dont give a damn about your intelligence - our intelligence is so superior that we display it openly on news channels - 24 x 7 - and glossy newspapers.besides,the media is already making presumptions,without even verifying them,or finding about their authencity,thus often coming out with false "breaking news", creating hype,panic and affecting public opinion.a prayer to the media to shut up please.
pakistan is facing pressure now.diplomacy and all the la-la-la has gone out of the window.the government is likely to pressurise them a lot , as pakistani "elements" are thought to be involved in the terror attack.somehow a war doesnt seem too far away in the horizon - a diplomatic one is already underway,to accompany the love-hate relationship india - pak has always shared.
ok.now personal feeling after that :
its depressing.really.everyhwhere i turn my head,this is all i hear.it saddens and infuriates me.and my heart really really goes out to everyone out there,going through these times,but i want to distance myself from it.its too much pain and grief with what im already going through.and for the first time in years,ive prayed.ive started praying again like i mean it,hoping whichever god it is will listen to my prayers and give courage and solace to the bereaved, and pray for the safety for the rest.and for the the first time,i mean when i say "may the Lord give us courage to support us,love to unite us,and keep us,this day and forever more."
amen.

another scare,another day

today - again - bombay came under a terror attack.its almost like this has become an everyday affair.when you hear about something like this,it hardly comes as a surprise.we say a tiny prayer,for those who've lost their lives,and a slightly bigger one thanking whoever it is,that oh my,its not me.
what has happened to that frail emotion of humanity?why has extremism - in any form - risen to such an extent that your inner human is dead enough to kill innocent people?what kind of demands do these .. blasted terrorists.. want to make anyway,that they kill anyone?id understand if it was as assassination,or killing of officials or something like that.but killing hundreds and injuring thousands - common people,like you and me - where is that taking them?what are they proving this way?
before,all these bomb blasts and explosions were something that happened far far away.it didnt affect the common man.you just saw about it on the news on tv,felt pity for the dead and anger for the bastards,and continued with life.but with passing time,its as if its moving towards you.it happens in a city you frequent.it happens in a city where your dear and loved one stay.it makes you fear for their lives,and even if its not in their area,you call them up - patiently waiting to get through the clammered telecom network - and ask for their well-being.
and you never know,what can happen to you.i think we are really living for the moment.we make plans,to go to office,send our kids to school,meet friends in the evening,catch that new movie that released...we make plans.and one moment - one unexpected moment - everything changes.and there's nothing.who's to say how long we'll stay?that we are not going to be a target some day?that this is the last time.look at what has happened to these poor people.going about their every-day lives - going to office,eating dinner,going to pray to a lord,who is soon going to have them with him... what do these people have to do with anything?
and the administration,the government is rendered helpless.totally helpless.they try to help,but the citizens and the survivors do their utmost,more than the authorities,carting off the painfully dead, and the merciless alive.the government then declares compensation for the next of kin,makes empty promises, and hopes this is the last of it.until it happens again.
today,i dont blame the government.i hold nobody responsible.only those narrow-minded people who think they can rule the world.who think waving a gun in front of a civilian is a joke.who thinks a bomb is an amusement.who thinks that loss of life,of family,of loved ones ,is not a loss to humanity.who thinks that we'll stop living,fall on our knees and beg for forgivement.
today,i pray for all those people around the globe who have been victims of any form of terror.i pray for their families.i pray for those personnel who risk their lives venturing into the unknown,trying in any way,to get back what is lost.and i thank lord,it wasnt me.and i pray,that this - maybe,hopefully - is the last of it all.until next time.
may the dead rest in peace.may the wounded heal.and may justice be served.

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?
Teaching a class full of innocent children?
Or driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty cause you're a survivor?
In a crowded room did you feel alone?
Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her?
Did you dust off that Bible at home?
Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened?
Close your eyes and not go to sleep?
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages?
Speak with some stranger on the street?
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow Go out and buy you a gun?
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers?
Stand in line and give your own blood?
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family?
Thank God you had somebody to love
I'm just a singer of simple songs I'm not a real political man
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was youngFaith, Hope and Love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is Love
And the greatest is Love.

death magnetic

something important???
na....havent got anything really important,per se, as i had said in my last post,to talk about...
ok.lets discuss... death magentic by metallica...i finally heard all the songs in the album,so here goes the critic review!(*live!)
~My Apocalypse . oh my god.too loud.goes on and on.change please.couldnt survive more than 30 secs!
~Set Me Free . ok ok...too loud.typical metal.time heard - 1:50.its like the music going on in loops.argh,im getting a head-ache,next song!
~Suicide and Redemption. amazing...very sweet song..though repititive,its a good song to hear when your in THE mood.very un-metallica-ish song.
~The Day That Never Comes. I like.I like. I like. has a pop feeling to it,but i like.
~Cyanide.Aiyyo!too कर्कश।
~Broken, Beat & Scarred. ok types.
~Unforgiven III. nice nice nice.especially the start with the piano.good lyrics.though personally im still ranking Unforgiven II as my fav,followed by Unforgiven.(I)
~Set Me Free. good.head-banging material.
~Ecstasy of Gold.amazing.better than the other version loved it.
~All Nightmare Long. बाप रे बाप।
~The End Of the Line...grr
all in all a good album.would have liked it better,but for the fact that im not a hard-metal fan.but for the slower,more calm songs,i liked them!for them id give a 3.5 on 5.

mundane randomness

argh.frustrating life.but still .... pa da pup pup pa : im loving it! [:)]

the life ,that is,not the frustration bit.but hell isnt that a part of life?well you got to live with the bees if you want the honey! - ok sorry about that,it just came to my mind!

lets see...what happened in the recent week?

had exams on monday and tuesday -ok lets move away from that sector.

oh forget all that,lets talk of soemthing more important.

ok,id better go!the battery of the lappie's almost gone!

will talk of the important thing later!

ciao.

something stupid...

a very good evening to whomsoever-it-may-concern!
so lifes back to boring mundane!
had exams yesterday and today...and well well,guess what?they sucked!freak.i think im actually going to flunk(and i mean,FLUNK)in physics.damn damn damn.
well thats about a BIG hint -ta da - its time to stop fooling around,get serious,and start studying.SERIOUSLY.and NOW.

ok,now that im done with my big soliloqy...(you really dint have to read that,you know!)
[:'(] im not feeling too good lately...feeling really depressed and all.not depressed depressed.just not very happy types and all.and whatever that ive written about in my first few posts(no!!!dont read that NOW!)is not EXACTLY the cause.
chuck.
whatever.
just not in the mood today for some cheerful blogging i guess!

MTV Tickr!

lol.i love the mtv tickr!its in a word-fantabulous!
totally sarcastic,hilarious and amazingly fun.
here's a revied of Jaane tu Ya Jaane na...

6 SEP '08 movie screeningTICKR MOVIE SCREENING - JAANE TU YA JAANE NA
Take your popcorn and be ready for the show - spoilers ahead!
We save your money so you don't have to watch JAANE TU YA JAANE NA - it's already old now!
Rats, Meow & their friends are crying because her cat died.
Meow speaks... even cries in Tamil accent
Gaana No. 1 - Rats sings a song so that Aditi can has de!
Naseeruddin Shah is dead but he's still speaking from his picture frame "You can take a Rathod out of Ranjhore but you can't take Ranjhore out of a Rathod"
Rats takes panga with college bully, but cons the bully into paying for a soft drink
Gaana No. 2 - Pappu can't Dance saala but Rats can!
Pratik Babbar enters, Meow chases him all over the house. Don't worry, he is her bro!
Meow's Mummy-Papa ask Rats to marry her. Both say they're "just friends"
Both decide to find soulmates for each other.
Meow finds a girl for Rats.
Two cowboys bring their horses to a club and create a ruckus - we should've guessed they're Sallu's brothers.
What's this? This is a Tickr, not some goddamn line scrolling at the bottom of your TV
Meow is jealous. Pratik Babbar paints. Meow finds a guy who's a drunken Kung Fu Panda
What's this? This is the Tickr.. we told you already!
"Meow, this one's for you" says Mr. Kung Fu Panda. Dance follows with sad song
Rats realises he loves Meow and breaks up with Ms. What's this? while Mr. Kung Fu Panda slaps Meow
Rats goes to Mr. Kung Fu Panda and punches him twice.
Naseeruddin Shah smiles
Meow realises she has to study too and leaves for US.
Rats does her peecha, breaking airport security and causing unnecessary melodrama
"Tera mujhse hai pehle ka naata koi..."
Both Rats & Meow come back from their honeymoon. The End

oh my god.no one could have given a better filmy review!
oh and here's stuff about the Indo-US nuclear deal :
TICKR KNOWLEDGE: Things You Should Know About The Nuclear Deal
Only 5 and a half people know exactly what the nuclear deal is all about. You are not one of them.
To clarify misconceptions, the Tickr tells you what the nuclear deal does not mean.
The nuclear deal does NOT allow you to throw nuke-bombs at random countries you don't like. Sunny Deol, please note.
The nuclear deal does NOT mean you have a new firecracker to play with this Diwali.
A nuclear explosion is NOT what happened to Amitabh in the The Last Lear.
The nuclear deal does NOT mean the Tickr will not joke about Harman Baweja.
The nuclear deal is not why Salman is going mad in Hello.
The nuclear deal does not mean you have a new way to get rid of your boss/teacher/professor.
The nuclear deal does not mean other countries are afraid of India. Except Bangladesh.
Himesh, Shiney Ahuja, Hello, Hijack, Karzzzz etc means other countries are afraid of India.
Q.China was against India getting the Nuclear deal. What did Indian diplomats do to convince them?
A.They gave the Chinese the angry Bobby Deol expression
lol.thats great.
oh and here's tickr's how to:
Tired of nightmares about not being able to cross the road?
TICKR HOW TO: Cross The Road
1. Push a friend on to the middle of the road. Traffic will screech to a halt. Cross over
2. Dress in a Zebra costume and just walk across. Everyone has to wait when there is a Zebra crossing
3. Get tall stilts and walk over the traffic. Make sure you point at the cars and smirk. Doesn't work with trucks
4. Take your shirt off and act like a gorilla. Everyone will think you are Salman Khan and stop for autographs. Cross over
5. Ask the chicken for advice. It has done this a lot
6. Find a giant pogo stick. Use it. Watch out for flying superheroes
7. Go to mountains in Japan and meet Kung-Fu masters. They teach you to jump long distances. We've seen it in films
8. Go to mountains in Tibet and meet Buddhist monks. They will teach you to wait patiently for the signal
9. Wear a T-Shirt that says, "I am gay". People will slow their vehicles down to peer at you. Cross over. If it doesn't work, try the "You are gay" shirt
10. Drink that energy drink which gives you wings!
haha.catch the mtv tickr at whatever time on mtv.its more than worth a few laughs.