because life is nothing without you

she sits by the fire
and turns the pages of her long lost diary
photos that were lost in the attic of her memory
shine in her misty eyes

she goes back to the time
when summers were warm and music had melody
the time when she knew she had everything
and the fear of losing nothing

she doesnt know i see her
keep an eye on the only one i call mine
she took a day at a time
and now she struggles through the hours

she has gone to an entirely different plane
and i cant touch her there
she sees me but she cant hear my voice
the words i miserably try to bring forth

my own grief knows no bounds
how do i even imagine what she goes through?
everytime she hugs me
i hear her heart break a thousand pieces
when her soul misses its first creation

how do i make her understand
that the pain is not beyond me?
that it engulfs us all?
that we miss you no less?
that your mere absence haunts my living?

how do i make her believe
that just because my tears overwhelm me only in the darkest corners of night
i dont bleed?
that every so often i dial a familiar number in the hope of it finally being answered?
that the car horn in the midst of night wakes me in the hope your knocking at the door?

how do i tell her my fears
why i dont dare to leave her alone?
why phone calls in the early morning hours scare me?
why i never go to your old room anymore?

how do i explain my fake smile?
how do i tell her i dont talk about you
because it aches within me?
how do i tell her i know that whatever,whatever we do
nothing can ever replace your love

we just pretend life will be okay one day
that happiness will come in your reincarnate
that we believe in the strength that let us down
that lost hopes will be found again
and we steal memories from each other
to keep snatches of you
in our hearts forever
for her and me and everyone else...
come back.


dearest bum.we love you a lot.

Written after a really long time,more than a year.
Just a random subject really.And when I say random,I really do mean random.
Its basically about someone - say a guy - who mutually agrees to break up with the girlfriend for whatever reasons she has.(Its not really written with a gender in mind though).He still has feelings for her,but he wants her to be happy,so he tries moving on.But the girlfriend is unfortunately not a filmy one,and shes not a vamp,so she really does feel sorry for the guy.So she tries to help him out.But the guy wants her to move on,even if he's stuck in the crossroads.
As for the title,well I just came up with it while listening to Bob Dylan.I've got the greatest love and respect for him,so really,please,no issues to be raised for using a very famous and beautiful song's title.


****

The doors have shut

I stand on the threshold.

Don't think twice,it's alright.

You have your reasons

And I really do accept them.

Don't think twice,it's alright.

Candles eventually burn out

But it takes time for old flames to die.

I will survive.

Don't think twice,it's alright.

Your calls are like the lighthouse by the coast

Misleading in the dark

Of no use in the light

Just a pretty picture of solidarity and support.

Appreciate its presence

But where has it led me?

A wreck in the sea...

Then again,it's alright.

Don't think twice.

Don't think twice.

******
:-)

if there really exists a god,and if he really does have all the powers he is supposed to have,and if he really is that great as he is supposed to be,then he is terrible and mean.cruel.perverse.sadistic.if he is who he is,then he has no right to make us unhappy.he has no right to take from us what he has given.its almost 7 months.i dont know how,why im still living.god should properly call me to him too,i dont deserve to live.there are so many other people,beautiful people,who really deserve to be here,amongst the things they love and the people who care genuinely for them.that mean bastard we call god had no right to take my brother away from me.no right to make my family so miserable.to ensure that no happiness will ever be what it is,because such an integral part of me,us,our lives has gone.not a day goes by without thinking what if.i hate myself.couldnt i have done something?couldnt i have just come up with anything and stopped him from going that day?couldnt i have called up that day,just to ask him how everything was going?things could have been so much different.so much different.

every single day i think,he'd have liked this.he'd have laughed at that.he'd have hugged me for that.he'd have called me a stupid chicky chick,a pig for something.he'd have been proud of me.but ill never know.never.there are so many things i need him for.what am i going to do?what is he doing up there?he should have been home now,back from a tiring day at work,back from a hang-out session with friends.playing the guitar,talking to a friend.studying,anything.he should have been here.why is he not here?

how do i tell anyone what im going through?the only person who would understand isnt here.if he had been here,i wouldnt go through all this.i would have been just another person,complaining about the trivial things in life.why did the world have to turn upside down?why couldnt i just have him back?why do we always end up appreciating things only when they are not within our reach anymore?

every minute is a misery.how am i going to survive?i want dada back.i want the biggest pig back in my life?dont miracles happen to people like me?what did i do that he got this?that mom and dad got this?where did i go wrong?

i go to his room,and there are so many memories.what saddens me is not the memories,its the thing that ill never be able to make new memories there again.

if there's one thing i could change.i know what i want.its dada.

i miss you.

i love you.

desperation,angst and misery

living a hells life.dont remember what pure unadulterated feelings can be...i havent slept properly in more than 3months.have been studying without understanding anything.been moving around in a space isolated from the others.stressed out because of exams.stressed out by what im feeling,numbed by what i dont feel and what ive lost forever.i smile,but its on the surface.i cheer up others while i feel terrible inside.its horrible living this way.
feel marred,chokhed.dont know what to do.drained of everything...theres not a day gone by that i havent cried.
odies changed things,but there are some parts of life that even he cant penetrate through...people i trusted the most have left me,and i feel so handicapped...
god help me.

क्यों?

क्यों रहते हैं हम किसी बंधन में?
क्यों चुपचाप सहते हैं यह तन्हाई?
क्यों समझते हैं अपने आपको
अकेला इस भीड़ भरी दुनिया में?
क्यों रहते हैं किसी डर में?

क्यों तस्सली देते हैं दुसरो को
जब ख़ुद घुट घुट कर मरते हैं?
क्यों होती हैं चेहरे पर मुस्कान
जब आत्मा रोती है?

क्यों कहते है किसी को अपना
जब उनसे ही फेर लेते हैं हर एहसास को?
क्यों रहते हैं किसी से पराये
जब जी चाहता है उनके करीब रहने को?

क्यों रहते हैं झिजक में
जब दिल उड़ने के ख्वाहिश रखता है?
क्यों मन को समझाते हैं
जब हर सापना टूट जाता है?

क्यों नही करते पूरा हर मन चाहे
जिससे खुशी मिल जाए?
क्यों देते रहते हैं अपना बलिदान
ताकि किसी और को कुछ सुख मिल जाए?

क्यों सोचते हैं की कोई नही है समझनेवाला,
कोई नही है जिस पे कुछ ऐसा बीता होगा?
क्यों अचानक से ये बंजारापन achcha लगने लगता है?
क्यों तोड़ना हर वो प्यारा रिश्ता अच्छा लगने लगता है?

कयु टूटता नही ये ग़म से रिश्ता?
क्यों बांटेते हैं खुशी हर किसी के साथपर दुःख के स्वार्थी हो जाते हैं?

क्यों लगने लगती है ज़िन्दगी अधूरी?
क्यों हर सफर कभी पूरा नही होता?
क्यों परदे के पीछे रहना पसंद हो जाता है?
क्यू किसी से नज़र मिलाना मुश्किल हो जाता है?

क्यों पूजते हैं किसी भगवन को
ताकि मन्नते पूरी हो जाए?
क्यों धिक्कारते हैं उसी ईश्वर को
जब सब चीन लिया जाए?

क्यों रोता है ये मन?
क्यों सँभालते नही हैं हम?
क्यों बनाते हैं मुश्किल इस छोटे जीवन को?
क्यों नही समझते हर इस बीतते लम्हे के महत्त्व को?

just a few thoughts that came to me one day...

love you dada

CAN I?

can i beg my god for one last wish?

can i plead for everything i've lost?

gone is my courage and my happiness has walked out

asking for one more memory,

is that a crime?

can i stay on my knees

and promise

sacrifice for my sacrilege?

gone is my sandcastle of fun and joy

blown with the cruel winds of time...

can i make this prayer last forever,

if it can make a change?

gone is my endurance and facile face

no more masked by a glib facade.

can i have the power to go back in time,

to live those moments and not cry in those times?

to stay immortal in life's beauty

and eternalise deeds?

can i have the strength to carry on in my failed endeavour?

can i face tomorrow without regretting yesterday?

can i go back to where i was

and not go through this pain everyday?

can i please not say my last goodbye?

gone is my quest to find out why whats happened...

destined am i

to stay in grief?

bring joy to a life i know is brief?

can i fulfill all those hopes

and make your ambitions soar?

gone are you...

yet you make us wait,at the door,

another impatient day...

my wish hasn't died,

but shadows of gloom cloud over.

my prayers not answered,

but i carry on.

hope has faded away,

but ill never let go of those sweet memories.

my strength has weakened

and i live in disbelief.

the world pities me

and yet, shows no sympathy...

fear gnaws in my heart,

my own support and bravery have made me finally fall apart...

can no one deny their joy for a moment of mine?

can i still fight in this lost battle?

can i beg my god to fulfill this one last wish?

To my stupid pig.

miss you.cry for you.love you.

from your idiotic chicky chick.