for you.

Went through your things today.Memories were settled on it as thick and firm as dust.Some things made me smile and remember the days we loved.Most made me cry on how we can never create those days again.There are so many times that come back to me.Casual words I never meant,so much I shouldn't have said.Million things I should have otherwise shared.Its said : time heals all wounds,I should let go of the pain.But how do I live without it?There's a desperate need to hear your voice again.An urgency I can't describe to hear your silly laugh.A desperate want to hear you sing and play those tunes you loved.There's a picture of you in my mind.Sitting by the table looking outside.I want it to be real.I hate this world.I found a book amongst your things.It mentioned You and I.You captured parts of our childhood in it.It makes you all the more special.I wear your shirt,the one you wore too much.Your scent has faded away.I want you to bring it back again.There's a silly sweet poem you wrote on me when you were ten or so.You called me your darling sister and printed it on special paper.It's got the remains of my tears on it now.I flip through your forbidden diary.There's another side of you I didn't know in it.I wish I had understood you then as you were.You could have been so much more near.There's an ache in my heart when your friends share your stories with me.I don't want to know those stories,just as I wouldn't have ever heard them were you here.I want your advice on so many issues.But where do I turn?These memories,I don't want them.I want you.I'm afraid of moving anything in your room.I want things to be just as you left them.I want you to fight with me,hit me,make me cry...anything,just to feel your presence again.This empty existence of mine,it's not called living.Do something,make me feel again.Just be okay,just be here.
My dearest stupid boy,I love you and I' so so sorry I didn't tell you that enough.I just hope you know it.Missing my pig like hell.
Take care off all those girls I bet your dating in heaven.And they had better take good care of you.